~:+: Through My Eyes And Into My Memory :+:~

Steps...

Glasses broken and hearts shattered,
Our past become memories, pain became scars,
From there a new path arise,
Different from the one when it was still leading bright,
Oblivion awaits with only the past as a guide for the present,
Denial of existence is always questioned,
Without it, could a faster pace be forged to move forward?

I will try my best to stand at the end of the road with a smile...

January 23, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (0)

When Will It Ever End

Consumed A Love Potion To Feel The Pain...
Consumed A Potion Of Forgetfulness Just To Overlook From The Suffering,
And To Again Consume Another Love Potion...
When Will It Ever End~

A Moment Away From Present,
Please Forgive My Absence...
Just Take Me Away~

July 09, 2007 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Tomorrow

So much pain, so much sorrow...
How is it possible to hold on till tomorrow...

Fell twice as fast, ten times harder than what it should be...
What have I said, what did I do...
What could I have said, what should I do...
Never had I thought that love could be so blue...

Sunny was the whether I tried to be...
But they forecasted a storm,
Out of my hands it IS and a storm it WAS...

Should have trust what they predicted...
But how much can I run away from the fate engraved within me,
If pain is what it meant to be, then a scar is what I will get...

Gave my all to make it never cloudy before I sleep...
But waking up soaked is all I ever get,
Drying it away along with a masked look endowed with weights I never meant to carry...

Everyday, now and then, so and forth…

How much longer can I stand firm with these tiny legs of mine…
How much further can I drag myself through the tides of the azure seas…
With a frail body I might have…
With a feeble voice I could only bring forth…
Stumbling down in a pit hole i might never recover from....

But with just a drop of unspoken encouragement from miles away…
Gave me enough determination to walk through Today again…

What will be of Tomorrow, and again?

y2k
5:32am
22/05/07

May 21, 2007 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Feelings

"Ending a relationship is just like having the worst nightmare after having the best dream."

"We cannot beg someone to stay if they want to leave and be with someone else. We have to admit that love doesn't give us the license to own a person. This is what love means... Sacrifice."

"Oftentimes we say goodbye to the person we love without wanting to. Though that doesnt mean that we've stopped loving them or we've stopped to care. Sometimes goodbye is a painful way to say I love you."

"Some people say the worst way to miss someone is when they are right next to you and you know you can't have them, but it's worse when you thought you didn't notice the ale of bliss given by them and then all of a sudden you realize you can't live without them."

"Deep in my heart, I'm suffering, knowing that I've lost you. On the outside, I'm living, pretending that I can go on with my life without showing any sign of pain and sorrow."

"A love, fallen, is like desperately hanging on to something precious; never wanting to give up, but your hands feel the pain from grasping the thorny scent of the person. And, when you finally thought you've let go, you're free from any pain, your hands are empty. Then you will rather feel pain rather than to live in emptiness."

"How can I promise you forever when tomorrow feels so far away from me? How can I dry your tears when I have a bleeding heart inside of me? How can I ever forget you when your name is etched so deep within me?"

"They say no matter how dark the nightis, the sun always rises again... But a person who have been hurt so many times, it makes one realize that no matter how bright the day is, the sun will always set again."

"A breaking heart isn't always as loud as a bomb exploding.. Sometimes it can be as quiet as a feather falling.. And the most painful thing is, no one really hears it, except you.."

"Who do you run to when the only person who can make you stop crying, is exactly the one who is making you cry?"

"Why do we keep falling in love again when our heart is filled with scars?"

Have you ever felt the feeling where you were constantly thinking about a person at the moment and that person just suddenly come pop-ing out in front of you?
Yea, for those who felt this before, its really one of the greatest thing to happen to you~ 1 minute you were thinking and missing that person and the next minute that person just comes right in front of you... i dont know bout others, but for me, it really feels great~
brings out a kind of happiness, even a slight smile will be carved out on my face and some sort of joy & exciment that cant be explained...

But what if that person you were really expecting for brings you bad news?
as we all know, the disappointment will still be there~
the feeling of being lifted up and dropped down at the same moment will always be there to haunt you...

But just by knowing that person just spoke to you, its really different...
never knew how to describe it in words, still, theres a slight feeling of glad and warmth hidden within~
maybe to others it could be just plain nothing,
maybe even to that special person it could just be... words...

Still, to the person who feels that this person is special, as well as to me, it will still be something that i could cherish and take that as the most importhing that happened to me that day~
a few simple words from that person, could really change my day...
just to know that person is still there, still remembers, and still cares, would just give me enough strength to get through today and step on to tomorrow again~

I guess thats how crazy a person who deeply misses someone feels...
tears might just simply flow out without a reason even just by feeling the absence of that person~
this is the kind of pain that can only be felt by people who truely misses someone and that special someone will still be out of reach...
that kind of loneliness and sorrow still haunts me each day and each time i think of that person...

No matter how much i try to reach out my hands,
It will still be so far away~
No matter how much i yearn and hope that the day will come,
Reality just strikes me down again...

February 08, 2007 | Permalink | Comments (4)

Final Desicion

please...
no more tears...
at least promise me that this will be the last...
i've taken too much things away from you already...

to be frank, there isnt any tears coming out from me~
neither do i feel like taking a light...
the worse had already hit me...
not this time,
but on the last tide...
its stupid to say, i know this is gonna happen,
but i've spilled everything i had on that day...

now its more 2 relieve...
its your choice if you dont want to see me again, just speak of it and im out of ur life...

at least, tell me if you are ever coming back here~
let me see you just this once,
i'll be always waiting...
with pure affection,
just a smile to you in person...
as a friend~

and remember the promise u agreed with me...
you can hate me, you can not like me,
but please dont ever stop me from loving the one i want...
i will never ask for your affectionate~

i still want you to know,
that i really loved someone very deeply...
it was never just a game to me...
its was my true feelings...

doesnt really matter if its one sided...
love doesnt hav any edges or sides to start with...
just plain & simple love...
smooth, no sharp egdes, but it still wounds those who are still weak~

guess im already used 2 it =/
just cant run away from my fate~

Such A Long Journey
Everything Seems So Distant
Everything Feels Like A Dream To Me
Just Take Me Away With You

So much happened, yet its still the beggining of my journey...
I've chosen to widthraw...
But this doesnt mean its the end~

modified:
11:10am
2/10/06

October 01, 2006 | Permalink | Comments (3)

Love

Hmm...
what shall i say bsides im 2 bored [not playing GB, O2JAM, RYL], hav 2 much free time [not busy wif assignments, chatting, revision], n veli wu liao [this 1 is normal gua =P] /hmm~

We all know that love DOES hurt hoh?
Alot ppl know liao, but still wan 2 love de wor...
Why leh?
Stupidity?
Mayb for me, but dont know what others thinks~~

Well, if u ask me am i love sick, i will admit that i am...
Because of the past or because of the present, u asked?
Because of myself or because of stories of others u asked?
I shall say its both n both...
I may not seem like it [or never seemed like it at all], den mayb its normal ba...
Rarely got ppl c me worry bout love hoh? [Must think i'll never hav love problems leh? =P Jealous ma? XD]
But Im still me, n i've always been like this~~
I'll always be a good listener if u'd ever need one, but don't know y i rarely find a listener for myself...
I can't always counsel u,
I can't giv touching or good advice, [only know how 2 call ppl suicide... wakaka =P]
But at least i promise i'll always listen deeply n try to feel the pain u feel de...
Sometimes i also admit that i do enjoy listening bout other's love stories 1...
Helps me learn without hurting myself =P

Usually i can almost talk n chat bout anything in the world, but dont know y, it wont be anything bout my love life 1...
Ppl DO ask, but dont know y i'll never answer too deep...
Mayb i don't feel like answering or mayb i don't feel like talking bout it at all~
Always dragging off the topic or play dumb~ /hmm
Yeah, i know its rude...
But all love reminds me about is pain n more pain...
Better run away ba~ [sometimes i can b a coward u know =P]

Conclusions:
Love is complicated n no 1 in this world will ever solve it =P
Humans r damn stubborn creatures when it comes to love...
Im still me, i would never want any1 to treat or think differently bout me...
And, im still bored = ="

PS: To All Those Who Is Reading This Crap, I Know U R Bored As Well =P

August 25, 2006 | Permalink | Comments (3)

Trip 2 Melacca?

Slept at 6am that day...
All nite playing games n watching anime n movies~~
After few hours of sleep, suddenly my phone rang...
Heard it ringing 4 quite long d...
But still, 2 lazy 2 get it~
Annoyed n pissed, at last still hav 2 pick up n answer...
[Gonna change da stupid annoying ring tone b4 i toss it out my window = ="]

Saw ZP's [Hometown fren] name flashing on my phone...
Wondering y he would call so early in the morning = ="
Rite after i answered he asked me on how 2 get 2 MMU after the Melacca toll...
Blurly answered him den after few minutes only i know the reason he asked~
So shocked that suddenly few frens from Kepong [My hometown] come all da way 2 Melacca 4 holiday~~

Shiao Wern, Zhi Ling, Dai Lou n ZP was coming 2 MMU?
Dai lou was driving them all the way from KL 2 Melacca... 2hours tiring o~~
My feelings turned from:
Annoyed - when my phone rang, >> Blur - when ZP asked how 2 get 2 MMU, >> Curious - y they come here, >> n a bit happy when confirmed they was on thier way here~~
But still, im still so damm tired - -
After finish the phone conversation, straight away lie down on bed 2 sleep again...
Den after few minutes hav 2 wake up brush teeth den get ready a bit b4 they come~

Haihz~
Actually veli veli tired de,
But still when i think tat frens r coming from Kepong, a little smile was carved on my face when i was brushing my teeth~
Come 2 think of it, they just saved me from a whole day of boring-ness...
[But in the same time i was robbed away of my sleep time =P... But dun care, still wanna enjoy XD]
Ya, even though its embarresing 2 admit, but i really felt happy when they came "/ (Thx Guys ^^)

Had quite a expensive meal near town n followed them 2 find a place 2 stay overnite~
Den followed them 2 the Melacca Zoo...
Been there 4 the 2nd time already~
Still, its still a whole different feeling when i go wif other group of frens, especially close ones ^^
Its been a while since i talked n had fun wif them...

Phew, after dai lou fetch me back 2 my room, straight away bathe n sleep~~
Over tired d...
Didnt study 4 da whole day even though gonna hav my mid term in friday, but its still worth it =P
Haihz...
Now also already veli sleepy n tired d...
Lazy write long long d~
Nitez~
Oyasumi~~~

December 12, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (1)

I Still Miss Him...

Nothing important or entertaining in this blog...
Just some random boring babling~
Dont hav 2 read if u dont want 2 "/

"Its been months since he left~
Never thought that he will leave really us so soon...
Images of him still plays around in my mind when im alone ...
Having thoughts coming across my memories on the time passed~
Wondering if all that really happened, or was it all a dream..?
But still, the fact that i hoped it was a dream was the FACT he walked away...

Even now, everytime when i think of him, my eyes will still get watery...
Cant really just leave all this down n continue walking~
Try as i might 2 hide it all in front of every1, i still cant hide it all deep within~
Deep aches... Just makes me wanna shout out loud...

During one of the days in the holidays~
There was once when i heard a honk from a car...
It sounded very familiar 2 me that it made me rush out 2 the living room~
I would'nt hav mistaken it, im sure that was a honk from a 'Isuzu Trooper' [The car that he once drived]...
As soon as i reached the end of the living room, i pulled the curtain 2 really c a blue coloured 'Isuzu Trooper' stopped outside~
Without having any deeper thoughts i suddenly turn happy n tried 2 hav a closer look...
All that just 2 realise that i was just thinking 2 much when the car was driven away n i saw the car plate wasnt the same... I bit my lips...
My legs suddenly turn numb, fell down n sat on the floor 4 a while~
4 some reason, tears came rolling down...
Sad? Dissapointed?
Dont know how 2 describe how i felt that time...
Realised that things wont change no matter how much u hope it would be...

The air and the environment at home during nite times still wont be the same without his voice~
Its like everytime i dont c him on his usual chair, it doesnt feels the same...
Thats y i always wanted 2 get out of the house at nite~
Rather go out drink tea n hang out wif frens...
At least there is no need 2 hug my own legs struggling not 2 think bout da sad stuffs again "/
Really hav 2 thank all my frens 4 this d~
Lucky i still hav they all 2 company me during the long holiday ^^ [Thx all~ Luv ya'll *muakz* ^^]

Just wanna say,
u've played a big part in my life,
i miss u,
And dad, i love u... "

[ 2/11/2005 , 5.27am]

Haihz...
Im writting all this 2 get ppl's attention or anything~
Just felt like posting on what im thinking n feeling...
I dont need any words of sympathy anymore,
Plsz, i dont want any1 2 treat me any different from b4,
Just wanna post this 1 instead of just keeping it in my notepad folders...

November 25, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Sleep? Oo?

Lately i've noticed and experienced something~
Something interesting enough 4 those freaks like me...

A day in everyone's life has an equal amount of time that is 24hours...
I've just found out that if u use full of that 24hours in a day, u can do a lot of things...

Im having exam on this whole week...
And i've tried nearly 24hours of study~~~
Believe it or not?
I manage 2 cover the whole trimester syllabus in a day!~

Yeah i admit that i've been a lazy pig 4 da whole trimester...
But after i tried more than 20hours of studying, i've learned my lesson~
Studying 4 that long is like hell!!!
Especially wif all the counter-strike and warcraft sounds in my house...
The temptation... Ugghhhh!!!

These few days long i've been studying by day and playing games like crazy at midnite till i c the sunrise...
I can study 4 exams by day n still remain 'kenneth' by nite~
Hehe, even though this sounds a bit crazy, but trust me, now i really know how does it feel 2 use full of my 24hours...

Mayb all that isnt good 4 my health but at least it helps reduce my stress level...
Studying whole day long without playing game at all will kill this poor 'kenneth'~~
Cant live without playing games =P
Thats me =P

Haihz...
Now my little black heavy eyes has really reached its limit d...
I've been staying awake 4 3 days already~~~
No sleep 4 72hours?
Imagine that...

4 those who havent recieve my 'good nite' miss calls these few days u know wat happen now =P
Not tat i 4get or dun wan 2 miss call... =P

Ok lar...
My eyes r cursing me wif foul language now~~
Thats all i can write 4 now...
Nite nite!!!
Oyasumiz~~!

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September 30, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (1)

A Must Read Blog!!! Very Scary Incident!!!

A Very Scary Incident #_#

Till now im still hav phobias [ fears ] everytime i go up a bus...

It happened a few days ago when i was on my way back 2 Melacca by bus~
As usual, when i go up a bus, i'll grap a place wif 2 empty seats n hope that no1 will sit bside me and i can hav more place 2 sleep...
Well, i guess god doesnt really wan me 2 hav it my way, n He planned something different 2 toy wif me this time...

A girl, about my age sat bside me~
( Haihz... Now hav lesser space 2 move around d~ )
Then mar dun care lor...
Took out my MP3 player, play it, n shut my eyes...

Can't really sleep though...
2 many things r playing around wif my mind~
Then i saw the girl bside me fell asleep...
Then her head slowly fall towards my side~
Felt pai seh [malu] tat she will sleep on my shoulder ma, then i ma move further away from her n try 2 sleep also lo~

Fell asleep after a while...
Woke up by the vibration of the bus~
And 2 my astounding, i realised tat the girl bside me was sleeping, resting her head on my shoulder,
AND... my head was resting on hers~~!!!
[Like those normally already 1 pair 1 pain punya couple sleep]
My hand was on the left side of the seat when i fell asleep...
Her hand was on top of mine when i woke up tat time, but no grapping though~
Was it just a coincidence that her hand fell on top of mine???
As a normal person will react, i quickly pull my head away from hers and blushingly took some distance from her... ( Dun even dare 2 look at her face tat time @_@ )
N by doing that i woke her up also~

This doesnt just stops here.
Then after a few seconds i realised that my earphones from my MP3 we're missing~
Then when i was searching 4 it, i was so damned shocked 2 find out that 1 of the piece was in her ears...

(Crazy~
Since when did i offer 2 let her listen 2 it??)

Then when she realised that i was looking at her, she smiled a bit and took the other side of the earphone n plug it into my ear...
How did i felt?
So damn bloody shocked n scared of coz~!
As i still can remember it was playing the song 'Forever Love' by Lee Hom... ( Now veli phobia tat song liao )

Then she did the most unpredictable thing 2 me~
She took my hand n put it on her chest...
Then she asked me~
"Do u feel it? Thats the hearbeat of some1 who is falling in love..."
WTF???
I was so damn scared and i straight away pull away my hand from hers~

During that time i would really wanna hold back her hand and put her hand on my chest, then ask her
"Do u feel it? Thats the hearbeat of some1 who is damn FU*KKING scared!!!"
But didnt do that lor...
Just wishing that i could hav the guts to do that though~ =P

Then 4 the rest of the journey back 2 Melacca i was sitting wif a maximum distance away from her...
I was even looking if there is another place that i can change...
( Luckly it wasnt far away from Melacca already... If still far i rather jump off the bus =.=" )
After what happened, i dont even dare 2 look at her face anymore~

When the bus stopped i straight away rush down wif my belongings n went straight up to a taxi without even looking back~
The whole incident really scared me until i nearly pee on my pants...

What was she thinking?
Did she planned everything from the start?
She planned everything just 2 rob me?
She planned everything just bcoz she is lonely?
She planned everything just bcoz she wanna hav sex?
Even now, these few questions r still floating around my mind...

Some girls r really veli scary i tell u~
Dunno what she thinking 1...
If really wanna hav sex so badly then y dun just go masturbate then??? = ="

September 08, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (12)